Every few months, I am compelled to switch the person that cuts my hair…
I desperately crave a “Mute” option for all Uber / taxi rides…
I never use the same personal trainer more than once….
Why?
My affable demeanor, boyish good looks, and willingness to agree with whatever a stranger says creates an unsustainable web of lies. For instance, my most recent hair stylist thinks I am an ex-felon who enjoys going to dance clubs and was born and raised in Oakland. None of these are true.
In my defense, she talks fast and aggressively uses a shaver when cutting my hair, which makes it hard to hear. Unfortunately, when I do hear her … I face a Nick Kroshus-esque Conundrum™. She is over-sharing a lot of crazy stories … and I don’t want her to feel bad for saying crazy stuff… so… I try to normalize the situation by agreeing with her or … worse, fabricating my own crazy stories.
I was never really sure why this kept happening (other than because of my boyish good looks and nobody wants me to change those!)… until the Berkeley-Haas MBA came to the rescue (I haven’t figured out how to insert music on my blog yet, but please image the “Dun Dun Dun” sound here).
In my Negotiation course, I learned a great deal about the art of value creation, negotiating strategies and gambits, and outright haggling. One lesson that was especially interesting to me was a quick review individual’s conflict management styles. Where the professor shared a slide (Exhibit A) and chatted through the dynamics and manifestations of each style. You can largely imagine the attributes, “Competitors” are willing to be uncomfortable to get what they want, “Collaborators” are the uber-negotiators.
Exhibit A
Unfortunately, I didn’t fit neatly into one of these buckets. What I learned was that I am an Accoma-voider (and, I am not the only one … word to my homies, Steph White & Anthony Valente.)! Beyond its dinosaurian sounding name, an Accoma-voider is a Conflict Management Style that is like a weird love child of an “Avoider” and “Accomodator” (Exhibit B). Essentially, blending the blends the worst parts of both . When I am not actively avoiding any conflict, I am typically folding like a house of cards during it.
Exhibit B
Note 1: I am a bit Type A and my professor’s poorly formatted slide (Exhibit A) drove me nuts, so I recreated it.
Note 2: It is tough to find a photo of someone accommodating and avoiding, so I just went for young and confused.
To combat this syndrome (and save me from having to find another hair stylist), I’ve create my own Accoma-voider rehab. It’s in its start-up stages and needs more development, but primarily… I hung around Lauren and Porter while they planed their wedding and when a conflict arises; I lean in and try to tolerate the discomfort as long as possible. Sometimes, I have to fan the flames a bit – but their marital spates are a small price to pay for my future mental health.
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