Morning all!

Let me amend the title slightly, “Silly Rabbit, Infographics are NOT for kids!” In fact, they are really hard to make! I know this because having dabbled in realm of one-off funnels and an occasionally bad merging of two photos, going from this to an infographic is like going from building model ships to constructing the Titanic (which may be equally as successful as my first infographic).

Also, while working on this a few thoughts occurred to me in no particular order.

1. Making an infographic is to nerds, what scrap booking is to teenage girls. Inevitably what you dream up is not actually possible and you over use glitter.
2. It is really hard to decide what to keep in and what to take out. There were some amazing life stats [eg, I tell an average of 430 jokes a month with a high percentage focused on: 1) Porter’s Height, 2) Jack’s small head, and 3) Mahara].
3. These things take WAY too long to make (estimated time for this infographic: 15-18 hours), which provides some insight into why no one has ever started a blog where they just make infographics.

With no further ado,  the first iteration of Creative Chaos… Life Quantified: Little Data (Mis)Used in a Big Way…

Giving advice is always tricky, in part because it is super easy to offer “objective” advice when peering through a glass wall at someone else’s problem; secondly, because the giver doesn’t _really_ have to live with the consequences of the advice.  As a result, any advice one takes should be carefully weighed and considered, or in my case… continue to shop around for the advice you want to hear and take that.

An obvious exception to this “taken with a grain of salt” rule is the 1999 hit, “Everybody’s Free (to Wear Sunscreen)” (must-watch-link) This song was the musical rendition of Mary Schmich’s Chicago Tribune column “Advice, like youth, is probably just wasted on the young.” It is full of tremendous advice, starting with “wear sunscreen,” and going from there.

I’ve spent some time reflecting on my MBA and post-MBA journey and what advice I wish I would have received.  After some time, I thought if I could send a letter back to myself in the summer of 2012, what would it say?   I think this is the advice I would have offered myself…

****

Dear Nick,

First, yes. You will love wearing your suitjamas (link), they may be your best business school (possibly, life) investment. Second, Amazon Prime’s two day shipping is more like a rough guideline rather than biblical commandment– if you really want to wear that onesie/Halloween costume/bro outfit/sunscreen in Trinidad, try to purchase it more than 3 days before the event.

Onto the bigger stuff… your job search will not be a linear A to B experience.  It will be much more like the 2000s stock market; lots of ups and downs and side to sides.  You’ll want to keep a couple things in mind as go…

…Figuring it out …

There won’t be enough time – not before school, during school, or after school.  You don’t really know what you want to do after your MBA or what the right steps are to get there.  Trust me, start figuring it out now.  You think you will have time – time to think, time to plan, time to meet people.  You won’t.  Basically, from the moment you pick up your name tag at O-Week, you’ll be scrambling to get through the day and there will be even less time as the MBA goes on.

Figure out what the hell you want to do.  What industry or company or function or role you want to be in.  This will be the hardest part.  A friend once shared her mom’s life advice– “You can be everything you want in life; just, not at the same time.” This applies to your career. For you, the discovery will happen when:

• F-FOMO – Or more specifically, F*** the Fear of Missing Out. Lots of people go to business school with lots of different plans. You will feel a reassuring comfort and sense of safety when you follow others’ plans.  You’ll see them diligently preparing to interview with Jumbo Multi-Global Conglomerate or attending a networking session with Goliath National Bank and you’ll be afraid your missing out on something so you’ll dive into the same things.  Don’t do it, it’s a waste and a distraction.
• Cut the safety net. At some point, you will be tempted by a safe opportunity doing things you don’t really want to do. It will be nice to feel wanted and, knowing you, like you have a plan. But those feelings don’t make it right.  Cut the net and dive into the chaos.  When you finally turn down your full time offer, it’ll force you to really think about what you want.  If it isn’t working for Medtronic … then what is it?
• Soul search. Pray, talk with friends, read books, make lists, rip up your lists, make new lists, make new friends, talk with new friends. There are a lot of ways to start figuring out what you like doing and what is exciting.  For you, it will be easiest to think about the challenges and questions you like and how you most enjoy solving them.  You have worked closely with several new small businesses and love the challenge of helping them operate more efficiently/effectively.  You also like analyzing information to find patterns (though, it is TBD if you REALLY love data – link) and creatively thinking through problems.  So for instance, maybe…

SMB + Analytics = Analytical Software that supports/enables SMBs 

…Networking…
(My God, you’ll really need to get on board with this)

Meet people. You’ll underestimate how important this is, so I’ll be blunt: it is SUPER important.  Most of the interviews you get will be because of relationships you have.  It is 100% important to get to know your class, but you also need to meet people in the industry and roles you want to be in.  In short, love the bubble then leave the bubble.

Look at you! Now you are networking.  But, let’s be clear on what networking actually is.

Networking is the consistent, ongoing development of meaningful
relationships with individuals who can guide and help you.

Which means, that attending semi-annual alumni sponsored booze-fests where you just hang out with the same people you already know… isn’t really networking.  Instead, try to find one person who can give you information or insights about the role or career you want.  Meet them, learn about what they have to say, thank them and ask to be pointed in the direction of another person.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Get hired.

 Be interested and be interesting. There are lots of ways to stay on top of the various role or industry you are chasing.  Find the news outlets, blogs, conferences, industry research and shows that help you understand what is going on and give you something to talk about. Better yet, share what you find out (in a non-pretentious way) during your networking chats or afterwards.  (Aside: Porter will mention how he started a “professional Twitter” account where he shares one newsworthy article a day.  You’ll feel bad– don’t.  He posts less than a dozen articles over 6 months…jokes on Professional Porter.)

…Nunchuk & other sweet skills…
(Which are now 100% endorse-able on LinkedIn)

Know the skills you need. As you talk to people and start to understand what they do on a daily basis, start comparing yourself and your resume with theirs.  Better yet, get the job descriptions of roles that you like and see what falls under the “Required” section.  Start working on those skills – especially, the “2+ years of experience in (insert function here)” sections.

 Build the skills you want. An MBA offers a number of amazing courses that teach valuable soft and hard skills.  But most of those lessons and skills are summarized in the top 2 bullets on a 10 bullet job description.  The remainder are things you need to figure out and start developing through class projects, club activities, internships (during school and the summer) and other extracurriculars. There are a ton, but some relevant examples where you will want some experience :

• SQL – if the job title includes the phrase “Analytics”, “Insights”, or “Data” you will need to know this
• Google Analytics / AdWords / DoubleClick .. basically, anything Google & Marketing-related
• Mobile Analytics / A|B Testing / Campaign creation – basically the heart of digital marketing
• Build financial model
• Weird other things… Salesforce – basically, every company everywhere uses it. Good to know.  Coding – I debate.  It is a huge part of startups and the Bay Area but if you can show an appreciation for it (similar to how you show a love for Data, which is TBD), you are fine.

…Miscellaneous notes…

Do case interviews.  Every company does some variation of a case these days.  At the end of the day, a diploma and work experience simply won’t be enough.  Companies want to see how you think (whatever that means) and that means being able to do some degree of a case interview.  Whether it is as simple as “How would you price the latest widget from Google?” to “We are consulting for an international distribution company that has experienced 8 consecutive quarters of diminishing profit.  What lines on which financial forms would you like to look at first?”

Process <> Output. There will be times you put in a ton of work and the job evaporates from under you.  There will also be times where a casual conversation at a happy hour leads to a third round interview.  As near as I can tell, there it is highly similar to a Hasbro board game.  In many instances there is huge amount of luck that leads to the right timing, right opportunity, right person, etc. You just have to be ready when those stars align.

Write it down. It’ll help you see where you get traction and where you don’t.  It’ll also help avoid the awkward moments of not remembering when or if you applied for a position previously (sorry Brightroll, I thought the third would definitely be the charm!).  You can also calculate your own Career Funnel:

Know where you will compromise.  Thus far, you haven’t.  Good work.

Good afternoon & Happy New Year Friends and Family!

In the vein of most of these blog posts, I mention something about renewing my commitment to regularly posting, adhere for 1 maybe 2 (tops!) posts and promptly fall off the wagon (or get back on the band wagon, this cliché has always eluded me a bit).  So rather than making huge promises to post a bunch, I’ll just skip to the fascinating and all around interesting life updates.

New Year’s Resolutions

I love New Year’s Resolutions/Goals!  They are this amazing opportunity to reflect on life and dig into some serious self-improvement/life-maximization.  While not every resolution has worked out perfectly (eg, 2012 when I tried to reduce my net possessions by 365, resulting in an accidental purging of all my shorts in February and frustrating repurchasing of them in June) – they have all been well intentioned.

This year, I pursuing a strategy focused on 3-4 resolutions that change each month, rather than one MEGA resolution.  For those of you thinking, “this sounds familiar”… yes, I stole the idea from The Happiness Project.

The theme for January and this blog entry are one in the same, “Do the Right Things First.”  For the keen observer in the crowd, you’ll notice two things – 1) I think that a “crowd” of people read this and 2) obviously, writing a blog entry is a little bit down on the “right thing” category.  This resolution has been a helpful guidepost throughout the month and helped ensure I get more sleep, eat right, respond to texts timely, and focus on applying for full time jobs (more on this later).

As February starts to rear its little head, I have already crafted my theme “Embrace the Creativity,” which is basically giving myself free licenses to pick up any and all arts and crafts projects I want!  Ideally, in my dream-February, I will try the “write a book in a month” challenge – essentially, the “author” commits to writing for 1 hour a day, every day, without reviewing or editing.  The math works out such that you should have a 202 page novel done.

For the doubters in crowd who think this may not be the next literary master piece, the Great Gatsby was only 180 pages. (Also, note the continued suggestion there is a crowd reading, I hope you have gathered some friends and family around to read out loud together.)

Oh… last note on the resolution front.  I have committed myself a series watching at least 31 romantic comedies from the 80s, 90s, & 2000s – which is maybe the greatest resolution ever.  While my roommates have protested a few of the films, I would say they have been pretty heartily embraced.  In some moments of self-reflection, I have discovered a lifelong love of celebrity redheads (a la Debra Messing, Amy Adams [in Enchanted], Isla Fisher) and Hugh Grant.

Job Search

For discerning LinkedIn eye or folks I happened to tell, I started a 3 month contract role at Autodesk in November.  Specifically, I work on helping craft a strategy for parts of their 3D printing ecosystem and the corresponding marketing tactics.  Before you ask, I don’t even know what I mean in that sentence.  Sadly, it is coming to a conclusion in February so I am firing up the job search again to see if I can find my dream job.  I’ll pass along more details as they come!

Also, for those of you who were curious – I am still lecturing at Berkeley.  I am helping with another class this March – it is a 2-day leadership course for Evening Weekend MBA students and I am excited to keep stretching those muscles.

Alright homies – hopefully more to come soon!   Much love and good luck with resolutions!

First, you’ll notice that to the immediate right you can subscribe to the blog to get the latest and greatest.  While I’ve loved forcing people to receive these emails, I thought it would be easiest if everyone could self-manage.  That being said, I am not above shamelessly signing people up (and if my unemployment continues much longer I may just start signing people for all sorts of blogs, newsletters, Victoria Secret coupons!).

Also, given I suspect most of you are wasting away your time watching Bachelor in Paradise, I thought I would add some of the historical emails and posts I have written over the last two years.  Hopefully, you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed living through them and then reporting them to the larger world.

From Unemployed to Underemployed!

For those of you not shamelessly stalking me on LinkedIn – shame on you!  For those of you who are – yay! The recent shift in my title change from “2014 Haas MBA Candidate” to “Berkeley-Haas Lecturer” was neither a mistake nor a fabrication.  Last week, I was hired for a part-time position at Haas to help with a course called Leadership Communication.  The role is a blend of traditional Graduate Student Instructor work (e.g., leading a lab, grading papers, etc) and, hopefully, working with the professor to refine the content and curriculum for future courses.

While we are on the subject of LinkedIn… did you know your “industry” can be the “Internet”?  What the hell kind of industry is that?  Unless you are Al Gore (who invented it) or you are literally laying the wires, I don’t think you should be selecting this as your industry.  That being said, 18,610,055 people on LinkedIn disagree with me… so what I do I know?

Welcome to my website (aka Unemployment Project #1: Learn web design)!!!

I thought I this would be a good way to digitize, categorize and blah-blah-blah-ize what I have been doing and some lessons learned.

Job Search Lessons Learned

Lesson #1: In the Bay Area, if you did not matriculate from your undergrad with a degree in Computer Science or Engineering, you are less than human.   

While I secretly vowed I would never be a blogger, this little project was a great way to bone up on my technical skills for potential future employers.  Despite the hours I’ve poured into learning basic HTML and CSS (<- impressed?), its total effect on my resume is a single bullet… “Skills: Basic Web Design”…

Lesson #2: The job market is flooded with new, entirely made-up jobs and job titles that make me want to punch someone in the face.  

I have also spent a lot of time searching job boards, connecting with alumni, and consulting my Ouji board to find the perfect job.  It took me a while to figure out what I was qualified for and who would want to hire me, and I stumbled on to some bizarre opportunities along the way.

• Growth Hacker
• Vertical Catalyst Manager
• Chief Innovator
• Data Scientist – I thought this title was especially funny until a NY Times’ article listed their salary at $200k

Beyond the funny titles, I noticed a madlibs-like-strategy for picking job titles and thought I would provide you with a quick guide for determining if the job is right for you.

Lesson #3: If someone tells you to go home and think about your answer, they are putting your in interview timeout and you’re screwed.

I was interviewing with a cool startup for an analytical role and things seemed to be going well until the interviewer launched into two minute monologue about how if I wanted this role, I needed to love data, not just like it.  At the end of his speech, he took a deep breath and stared at me and I stared back… and we entered into the weirdest, longest staring contest of my adult life.  It was likely only 10 seconds long but it felt like eternity.  Eventually, I chimed in with the ultra-sophisticated remark,

“Well…I am not sure what to say now.”

The interview went on a little longer and it concluded with him assigning me a task,

“I want you to go home and think about if you really love data, and if you love it, email me tomorrow and we’ll move forward in the process.”

Needless to say, I haven’t heard back from that company.

 As you can imagine, I have countless more ridiculous stories I can share about my job experience, but I thought I would save them for future emails!

My Life As A Stay At Home Classmate

I am sure you are wondering between the moments of hilarity in my ongoing job search, how do I spend my time.  Well, thanks to a very gracious classmate, Porter Hall, and his fiancée, and Lauren Wilkerson, I am currently employed as a full-time “Stay at Home Classmate.”  Overall, it has been great and I’ve tried to keep my “Kroshus Footprint” (I think of it a lot like a “carbon footprint”) to a minimum.

However, as you can imagine, combining excess free time with a Type A personality has resulted in an over exuberant completion of tasks (e.g., I have organized the condiments in the refrigerator … twice; and, developed what I can only call a vacuuming and sweeping ‘best practice’ for their living room).

I also spend a lot of time with my new friend, Stan… their Olde English Bulldogge.  Part of the reason for writing this email was because Stan and I were having pretty lengthy conversations over the past week.. and then I realized I was talking to a dog.  Cause I am sure you want to know what my new homie looks like, pic below.

Dear Friends & Family,

I hope all is well.  Like always, it has been far too long since I wrote – but I thought now that I have all this extra free time due to my funemployment I would take the time to catch you up on the goings-on of Nick Kroshus.

Medtronic Mania  

First …I have some surprising news for some of you – I no longer have a job at Medtronic nor am I planning to move back to Minnesota.

<I’ll pause here so you can digest that…..read on!>

In March, while boarding my flight to Trinidad, I was told the role I was offered and signed up for had changed “a bit” and I could talk with the Director when I returned from my trip.  The “little bit” that had changed was:

Reporting Relationship Reduction: It turns out the director had been promoted and I was now going to report to someone who was initially supposed to be my peer.  Her non-existant seniority at Medtronic combined with her lack of any real work experience before her MBA (prior to enrolling, she was an equestrian) worried me quite a bit.  Specifically, I was concerned she was going to make Nick Kroshus-sized saddle and micromanage me to death.

Product Pivots to Pilot: I was sold on the idea of leading a Global Product Launch, which was going to be awesome!  But, at the same time the reporting relationship changed, they decided the product GLOBAL launch would be more of a regional “pilot.”

So, after six weeks of conversations, which included some amazing dialogue with my HR contacts…

HR contact:  “We believe the opportunity is identical to what we initially promised.”
Nick Thinks: Maybe I need to send her a definition of identical, which according to Dr. Google is similar in every detail, or exactly alike.  Which … obviously, this wasn’t… so….

I decided to renege on the offer.

At or around the time I opted out of the role, Medtronic realized the US wasn’t big enough for both of us and decided to re-headquarter itself in Ireland (link).  So basically, Nick 1 – Medtronic 0.

Graduated in Style

I graduated, or well, have strong reason to believe I graduated.  No diploma yet, but I did get to walk across the stage, fist bump the dean, and all that jazz.  The month of May was a great capstone to a wonderful experience and I had the opportunity to celebrate graduation with my mom, my stepdad, and Jack & Jenny.  Overall, it was a whirlwind experience filled with lots of walking, wine tasting, beer tasting, crazy drivers, and more!

Since graduating, it has been really relaxing and I am focusing on transitioning out of the MBA world and back into reality – which translates as eating better, sleeping more, drinking less, and catching up on emails (like this one) that months past due.  Sadly, I realized last night that while I feel like I am hugely productive, I can usually summarize an entire day’s efforts in a single text.  Evidently, when you are unemployed, things like “Watched the World Cup and went to the gym” feel like fulfilling activities.

I also have been organizing and eliminating my worldly possessions (much to my mother’s delight).  As part of the process, I am throwing out the papers and notes I saved over the past two years.  Which lead to the discovery that my MBA experience and knowledge can be encapsulated in almost 3 feet of paper.  If anyone is interested you are more than welcome to purchase the Haas Paper MBA for $100k!

Returning to Mother Minnesota

Thirdly, even though I am not moving home permanently, I am planning to head to Minnesota for three weeks (June 30 – July 22) to visit family, friends, and volunteer at RYLA (i.e., that leadership camp I mention from time to time).  I’ll be around Minneapolis for 8 days and would love to see as many of you as possible!  Feel free to drop me a note and we can coordinate when to meet up!

Hello Friends & Family!

I hope this holiday season finds you full of yuletide cheer and hot cocoa!  It has been a bit of hectic semester to say the least which pretty much killed my ability to update you all on the interesting and awesome things happening!  But I thought I would update you all via my personal rendition of “Night Before Christmas”  (this was started yesterday, so don’t judge the accuracy of the first line)!

Twas the night before my return flight, when all through the Midwest

Not a single update had been sent, because there was no time, not even to rest

My grades were posted by professors with care

And I hope my GPA is good enough that I can I go back there [Berkeley]

While the semester was so crazy I never got to snuggle in my bed

Countless update topics – jobs, parties, costumes, new hairdos – raced through my head

To start, I wanted to share I got a new job at Medtronic

I’ll be moving back to Minnesota in the summer and hopefully will stick … around J

Alright, I’ll stop there … I had hoped to do the whole update in poetic prose, but I realize now it is doomed!  So let me hit on some fun highlights (<-foreshadowing).

Winter Break

First things first – I am heading back to the great white northland and mother ship, Minnesota, this Monday (12/16) and I am going to be around for a bit.  Unlike the President, I have little worries about sharing my travel itinerary with the interwebs (though, it is totally subject to change):

• 12/16-12/21 – Minneapolis
• 12/21-12/25 – Grand Rapids
• 12/26-12/29 – Fargo
• 12/30-01/07 – International Travel
• 01/08 – Minneapolis for a bit and headed off to SF (tear!)

If you want to hang out – let me know! As always, it is way more fun to fill up my days with laughs and good meals with great friends versus cold leftovers and old reruns by myself (at this point, I wish I could insert some cartoon-esque sad music sounds…)

So I got a Job…

In the normal world, the job offer process looks like this:

Step 1: Intern/Apply

Step 2: Receive Offer

Step 3: Celebrate (note: celebration can range from a single fist pump to a huge party)

Step 4: Accept Offer

Step 5: Celebrate again!

However, in Business School the process is more like this:

Step 1: Intern/Apply

Step 2: Receive Offer

Step 3: Grimace & begin grueling soul searching process.  This process should be filled with numerous conversations where you repeatedly ask if this is the “best” thing for you.

Step 4: Confirm you don’t know what is the “best thing” is for you and decide to solicit advice from EVERYONE!

Step 5: Decide your classmates going into consulting have a better plan than you do, invest countless hours preparing for and applying to top consulting firms.

Step 6: Don’t get consulting offers.

Step 7: Repeat Steps 3 & 4.

Step 8: Request more time from company.

Step 9: Repeat Steps 3 & 4.

Step 10: Accept Offer

Step 11: Repeat Steps 3 & 4.

Step 12: Celebrate!

As I mentioned in my poem, I accepted a job with Medtronic.  I will be part of the Leadership Development Rotation Program (LDRP), which is a three year program with two 18-month rotations.

• Rotation 1: My first rotation will be in Minnesota working in the Cardiac Rhythm Disease Management (CRDM) business unit.  Specifically, I will be helping lead a global product launch.  Medtronic launches ~1-6 products a year, so this should be a unique and amazing experience.
• Rotation 2: Unknown – I am pushing to do something either Mergers & Acquisitions related or possibly international… stay tuned for future updates in 2015.

Silver Fox Changes His Coat

After almost 15 years of gradually losing the battle against graying hair and terrible nicknames that come with premature silvering (i.e., Silver Fox, 50 Shares of Gray), I took the drastic measure of dying my hair.

I’ll pause here for you to pick yourself off the floor.

In one of my courses the product we worked on was a permanent hair dye by a new startup, Madison Reed (they do good work)!  In an attempt to garner some good will with the professor and to show efficacy we thought decided to dye one team member’s hair.  I was excited to give it a whirl and all of my teammates had jet black hair… so, it was me or no one! So with no further ado, the before and after photo:

While I enjoyed my few days as a brunette, it freaked me out every morning when I glanced myself in a mirror.  So, I embraced my carefree opportunity to modify my hairstyle to my all-time favorite:

The Mohawk!

#SkinnyTrini

As some of you may know, I am getting ready for the big trip to Trinidad & Tobago in February/March for Carnival.  While I thought I had already attended the largest, most popular Carnival in the world when I went to Brazil – I have since been informed that I haven’t.

So, I booked my flights, ordered my costume and I am spending the next 6 weeks struggling to get (back?) into shape!  I am striving to look like the picture below… as one friend was quick to point out, it isn’t clear which will be more challenging: getting a tan or six-pack abs.  I only bring this up so if you see me with a cookie this holiday season you feel comfortable tackling me and taking it away.

Last important update – I have created a new holiday, Dia De Nick, that was celebrated November 19^th.  Initially, it was intended to be a small party to help my B-school friends truly understand Nick.  Excerpt from Dia De Nick invitation:

“I am often asked, “Why do you love decision trees so much?” “How come you laugh at inappropriate times?” “Do you really think Eminem is Detroit-based hip-hop personification of you?”  In essence, “How did you end up being so awesome?!” (<- This may be just me misunderstanding the questions J)  And while I’ve tried in vain to answer this question by explaining the cultural nuances of being from the No Coast (aka Midwest), demonstrating the importance of wearing sunscreen, and educating people on what “cold” really is; it dawned on me this weekend… rather than boring you with countless ad hoc anecdotes or awkwardly long “Who am I Speeches?” … I should just let you experience it for yourself!

So – for one night only – I am going to host a experiential event where you can enjoy all of the amazing things I love most!  You will have a chance to peak behind the Wizard of Oz curtain (fun fact: Judy Garland [Dorothy in Wizard of Oz] was born in my home town) and have a little fun before all of the holiday craziness and you can try my favorite foods and drinks!

PS.  If you really want to know how I ended up the way I did – it is due almost exclusively to my amazing mom!”

El Dia was a resounding success!  Approximately 20 friends came ate some of my favorite dishes – Pulled Pork, Tater Tot Hotdish, Buffalo Mac & Cheese – and deserts – Peanut Butter Pie, Peanut Butter Bars, Buckeyes, Puppy Chow.  When I went back and reviewed the final tally, the day was an astounding celebration of life (and Peanut Butter)!

64 …. Oz of Peanut Butter

54 … Bottles of Beer

20 … Amazing Guests

16 … Ozs of Tater Tots

7 … Lbs of Pulled Pork

6 … Lbs of Sugar

2 … Liters of my Favorite Alcohol (plus anything else in the bar)

1 … Amazing Night!

Hola Amigos,

I hope everyone has safely navigated the precarious months of June, July and August, especially given the ultra-dangerous Fourth of July [In what must have been an incredibly dull news cycle, the local Minneapolis news team broke a story about how fireworks were not properly labeled around what would happen, which could lead to injuries.  I feel like the effects of fireworks are pretty well understood by anyone who can read… they catch fire, they spark, they often blow up and sometimes they are propelled into the air.  While there are many different strategies to safely using fireworks, I am pretty sure I have established  a best practice where I light it and run away squealing like a 4 year old girl … so far, so safe].

So, let’s catch up on where we left off…

Nate’s Wedding!

First and foremost, it was a great wedding.  But where there is a will there is a way … to get in trouble.

Location, Location, Location – Nate and his wife picked a location in rural Minnesota where some eccentric bizillionaire has been placing the buildings he collects.  Yes, buildings!  For those of you who have been collecting shot glasses or silver spoons for the last decade, you should now feel totally one up’ed.  While it made for a interesting and well groomed setting in the middle of acres of corn and wheat, I couldn’t shake the constant feeling that we were on the seat of the Children of the Corn and any minute some creep child was going to crawl out of the fields.

Fashion Faux-Paux – Men’s Warehouse hates me and all of Nate’s groomsmen.  Of the five of us, they managed to bungle our orders in a uniquely special way (e.g., wrong tie, wrong suspenders)… going as far forgetting to send my outfit to Minnesota for the wedding, so it had to be overnighted.  In an especially quirky twist of fate, they opted to not sew buttons on the slacks for my suspenders.  While I was MORE than happy to avoid suspenders (which feel make pants feel like a self-induced wedgie) – luckily Nate’s future grandmother-in-law was there.  I don’t know how to say this other than, you don’t want to hear  a 90 year old woman ask you to take your pants off… ever.

Strike 4 of 7

After the dance got into full swing, Jack, Jenny, and I decided to explore the complex a bit.   To which we summarily managed to (unintentionally) break all the rules possible.

Strike 1: You are NOT allowed to pretend to be a lion and hide in the wheat field, stalking your prey.

Strike 2: You are NOT allowed to play make believe in the historical collector cars… even if you can sound like a real-life police siren.

Strike 3: You are NOT allowed to wander off to other parts of the complex to explore, even though it could be described as the magical garden from Beauty & the Beast (Jenny’s words, not mine)

Strike 4: You are NOT allowed to bring a half-drank bottle of Jack Daniels into the reception hall, even if you promise to not drink it.  This strike lead to some amazing dialogue:

Security: Seriously, what are you doing!?

Nick: Err… what?

Security: You CAN NOT bring that into here…

Nick: Err… why?

Security: It is against the law!

Nick: Err… is this another strike?  What are we up to now?

Security:  “You’re on strike four, but I like you so I’ll give you seven strikes”

Don’t worry everyone, I was able to smuggle it in by sticking the bottle in my shirt and pretending I was really fat – it was very convincing!

The Internship

It ended on a high note … only a few new observations and stories.

Deep Brain Stimulation sounds TERRIBLE!

First, I think my one and only value add will be helping them realize they need to rebrand the product I work on.  Those of you who forgot, I work in the Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) – which is honestly the most terrifying and unappealing sounding name in the history of medicine.  The best example of an equivalent would be if called a pacemaker a “Heart Electrocuter.”   Who would want a pacemaker then?!

Job Offer … whoop, whoop!

I did trick Medtronic into giving me a job offer which is incredibly exciting.  It is part of their rotational program, so I get to try to compare a job in LA, with Miami, with Minneapolis… which as you can imagine is nearly impossible.  I’ve started the very long (excel-utilized) process of comparing these and we’ll see what I come up with  – in the meantime, I’ve decided to take on even MORE work during my first weeks of school and look at recruiting consulting again.  Nothing like being really stressed with even LESS time to do anything!

I’ll be in touch again soon!

Nick